Surprising Benefits
The surprising benefits of going through difficult times
Into each life some rain must fall. And while we can’t control just how much it rains, we can make a decision – let ourselves get wet, or break out the umbrella. The rain, of course, is the challenging times that we all face; medical diagnosis, divorce, job loss, even just navigating the teen years as a parent. And, while it may not seem like it at first, something positive can come from the experience.
“We have a choice in how we respond to difficult times. We can shut down emotionally and let ourselves become hardened by it, or we can grow from the experience.”
Feelings of anger, depression, anxiety, guilt or sadness during tough times are very normal, and we should never try to ignore those feelings. But problems arise when we become stuck in those emotions.
“Receiving a serious medical diagnosis, for example, can cause psychological and physical stress and it can even be traumatic. When patients are able to stay resilient, they are better able to cope with the medical condition, stay positive and even discover new aspects of themselves they never realized”.
There is actually a term for the process; post-traumatic growth and it refers to the benefit and personal growth that comes from experiencing a crisis. Or some use another term the Phoenix Phenomenon, suggesting that a new life arises from the remains of the old way of being.
Into each life some rain must fall. And while we can’t control just how much it rains, we can make a decision – let ourselves get wet, or break out the umbrella. The rain, of course, is the challenging times that we all face; medical diagnosis, divorce, job loss, even just navigating the teen years as a parent. And, while it may not seem like it at first, something positive can come from the experience.
“We have a choice in how we respond to difficult times. We can shut down emotionally and let ourselves become hardened by it, or we can grow from the experience.”
Feelings of anger, depression, anxiety, guilt or sadness during tough times are very normal, and we should never try to ignore those feelings. But problems arise when we become stuck in those emotions.
“Receiving a serious medical diagnosis, for example, can cause psychological and physical stress and it can even be traumatic. When patients are able to stay resilient, they are better able to cope with the medical condition, stay positive and even discover new aspects of themselves they never realized”.
There is actually a term for the process; post-traumatic growth and it refers to the benefit and personal growth that comes from experiencing a crisis. Or some use another term the Phoenix Phenomenon, suggesting that a new life arises from the remains of the old way of being.
Research has found that up to 70% of people experience positive psychological growth from difficult times, such as a deeper sense of self and purpose, a greater appreciation for life and loved ones, and an increased capacity for altruism (selflessness), empathy and desire to act for the greater good. While the transition from old to new was natural for the mythical (imaginary) creature, in the real world we can learn how to change and grow no matter the obstacles we face.
Make Meaning
As we grow, we develop a set of beliefs about the world around us; it’s the foundation we build our lives upon. When we experience difficult times, it’s like an earthquake – unexpected and it can break up that foundation and leave us feeling unsure of ourselves with parts of our lives reduced to rubble.
“An event like a divorce or the loss of a family member can draw our attention to the ways in which we take certain aspects of our lives for granted. It challenges our very identity and beliefs we’ve formed leaving us to ask questions we never thought we would have to,”.
When we are willing to ask and explore those questions; who am I, what really matters to me, what do I want my life to be about; we can begin to rebuild and construct a new foundation, often from the ground up, that is more authentic and based on who we really are and what’s important, rather than on the values others have placed on us. During this time of transformation, it is by letting go of the beliefs, roles, and aspects of identity that no longer serve us and having the willingness to grow into a new way of being that allows us to construct our lives in a way that feels more authentic and true.
“In many ways, we’re redefining ourselves,” she says. “We’re moving into a place where we can begin to explore and discover what we truly value.”
Metabolize the Event
As Mirgain explained – learning and growing from an experience doesn’t mean denying the feelings that come with the process. But some people try to avoid negative emotions, and that can be a problem.
“When we try to bury our feelings, it can actually cause them to become even stronger in the future and prevent us from moving beyond the distressing emotions,” Mirgain says.
She recommends setting aside time to talk about the feelings either with a friend or a trained professional. Give yourself time and space to feel what you’re feeling. Cry, grieve – or as Mirgain suggests, go to a secluded spot outdoors and let out a primal scream of anger. Allow the feelings to come, and when they do, it then becomes possible to work through them.
Cultivate a Coping Strategy
One of Mirgain’s favorite strategies for processing emotions is expressive writing.
“Expressive writing is best during the times we experience something mild to moderate, not a deeply traumatic event,” she notes.
Facebook Live: Growing Through Challenging Times
Meditation: Find your inner strength with this meditation from Dr. Mirgain
Dr. Mirgain recently held a Facebook Live session to talk about the "Phoenix Phenomenon."
Mirgain shares that expressive writing has been shown to reliably improve both psychological and physical health by reducing stress and enabling us to reframe the events we’re experiencing. When writing, we place ourselves in the role of the hero or heroine, not the victim, and as a result it allows us to shift our perspective and find new meaning in our experiences.
“Our personal narrative shapes our view of the world and how we see ourselves,” she says. “Writing about what we’ve been through and the meaning we’re making from the experience, allows us to make sense of our experience and often find the silver lining in the situation."
Some questions to consider when writing are:
What do I want to be about in the face of this difficulty?
What would the person I want to be do right now?
What is the gift from this experience?
Meditation: Find your inner strength with this meditation
“Think about a time when you were worried or struggled and ultimately, it went better than you expected, all those challenges you’ve overcome, all the difficulties you’ve navigated and reflect on that part of you that has gotten you through. We can call on those moments at a later date to help remind us that we are stronger than we think."
It’s especially helpful when our thinking turns negative and there is a lot of self-doubt, fear or overwhelm. Connecting back with and remembering those past successes with our inner strength is stronger than any doubts or negative thoughts we might be having about our current difficulty.
Prioritize Self-Care
Make Meaning
As we grow, we develop a set of beliefs about the world around us; it’s the foundation we build our lives upon. When we experience difficult times, it’s like an earthquake – unexpected and it can break up that foundation and leave us feeling unsure of ourselves with parts of our lives reduced to rubble.
“An event like a divorce or the loss of a family member can draw our attention to the ways in which we take certain aspects of our lives for granted. It challenges our very identity and beliefs we’ve formed leaving us to ask questions we never thought we would have to,”.
When we are willing to ask and explore those questions; who am I, what really matters to me, what do I want my life to be about; we can begin to rebuild and construct a new foundation, often from the ground up, that is more authentic and based on who we really are and what’s important, rather than on the values others have placed on us. During this time of transformation, it is by letting go of the beliefs, roles, and aspects of identity that no longer serve us and having the willingness to grow into a new way of being that allows us to construct our lives in a way that feels more authentic and true.
“In many ways, we’re redefining ourselves,” she says. “We’re moving into a place where we can begin to explore and discover what we truly value.”
Metabolize the Event
As Mirgain explained – learning and growing from an experience doesn’t mean denying the feelings that come with the process. But some people try to avoid negative emotions, and that can be a problem.
“When we try to bury our feelings, it can actually cause them to become even stronger in the future and prevent us from moving beyond the distressing emotions,” Mirgain says.
She recommends setting aside time to talk about the feelings either with a friend or a trained professional. Give yourself time and space to feel what you’re feeling. Cry, grieve – or as Mirgain suggests, go to a secluded spot outdoors and let out a primal scream of anger. Allow the feelings to come, and when they do, it then becomes possible to work through them.
Cultivate a Coping Strategy
One of Mirgain’s favorite strategies for processing emotions is expressive writing.
“Expressive writing is best during the times we experience something mild to moderate, not a deeply traumatic event,” she notes.
Facebook Live: Growing Through Challenging Times
Meditation: Find your inner strength with this meditation from Dr. Mirgain
Dr. Mirgain recently held a Facebook Live session to talk about the "Phoenix Phenomenon."
Mirgain shares that expressive writing has been shown to reliably improve both psychological and physical health by reducing stress and enabling us to reframe the events we’re experiencing. When writing, we place ourselves in the role of the hero or heroine, not the victim, and as a result it allows us to shift our perspective and find new meaning in our experiences.
“Our personal narrative shapes our view of the world and how we see ourselves,” she says. “Writing about what we’ve been through and the meaning we’re making from the experience, allows us to make sense of our experience and often find the silver lining in the situation."
Some questions to consider when writing are:
What do I want to be about in the face of this difficulty?
What would the person I want to be do right now?
What is the gift from this experience?
Meditation: Find your inner strength with this meditation
“Think about a time when you were worried or struggled and ultimately, it went better than you expected, all those challenges you’ve overcome, all the difficulties you’ve navigated and reflect on that part of you that has gotten you through. We can call on those moments at a later date to help remind us that we are stronger than we think."
It’s especially helpful when our thinking turns negative and there is a lot of self-doubt, fear or overwhelm. Connecting back with and remembering those past successes with our inner strength is stronger than any doubts or negative thoughts we might be having about our current difficulty.
Prioritize Self-Care
Brain
We don’t even understand the brain of a worm. We humans have approximately 86 billion neurons in our brains, woven together by an estimated 100 trillion connections, or synapses. It’s a daunting task to understand the details of how those cells work, let alone how they come together to make up our sensory systems, our behavior, our consciousness.
Prudence: The state of being careful in the way you make decisions so that you avoid unnecessary risks.
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